HOW TO TREAT ELVES

I met an elf man in the woods,

The wee-est little elf

Sitting under a mushroom tall

'Twas taller than himself

How do you do, little elf, I said

And what do you do all day?

"I dance and frolic about" said he,

"and scuttle about and play.

I s'prise the butterflies, and when a Katie Did I see

'Katie didn't', I say; and he says 'Katie Did" to me.

I hide behind my mushroom stalk

When Mr Mole does through

And only just to frighten him

I jump out and say 'BOO'.

And then I swing on a cobweb swing

Up in the air so high

And the crickets chirp to hear me sing

'Ups-i-daisy-di'.

And then I play with the baby chicks

I call them 'Chick, Chick, Chick'

And what do you think of that?" said he.

I said "It makes me sick.

It gives me sharp and shooting pains

To listen to such drool."

I lifted up my foot

And squashed the goddamn little fool.